Man Food

Man Food

“If you can’t it eat, or you can’t wear it, we probable don’t need it.”

That’s the directive from the CO. So, what does my husband get this year at Christmas for being a good boy? Well, let’s look at the environmental requirements: (Not an easy task, may I add, considering I have talked to him once, for 10 minutes, in the last month).

It’s the dessert and it’s cold. You know – when you think about it – a nice lump of coal might not be such a bad idea! It could help to keep him warm at least. I fret, however, that efforts might be misconstrued and seen as not in the spirit of Christmas, so I guess I’ll pass. Some skiing hand warmers might make a nicer substitution.

Hmm – something he can wear. Well, it must be green. And not Army green, but Marine green – because believe it or not, even their t-shirts have their own distinct shad of drab. I’d send under-armor or some kind of long underwear, but it can’t be made from polyester or other synthetic fabrics that melt when exposed to flames. I don’t want anything melting on his skin – he’s too young to need any sort of skin peel just yet, maybe once he’s a real “leather neck”. What does that leave me? A nice pair of socks. Good thing I live on base and have access to the right kind, in the right shade. Look out cutie – you got a sweet pair of socks coming your way!

Now – something he can eat. Wherever he is, I know he’s eating MREs at least once a day. My husband doesn’t have a big sweet tooth (disappointing I know!), but he does like Sour Patch Kids – so those are in. My mom sent him some canned oysters out of the pantry last time he was in Iraq, and he raved about that. I am firmly against sending him booze – I hear weapons and alcohol don’t mix, so that’s out. My man likes MAN food, but pork is a no-go in the country, so Slim Jims are out. So – oily stinky canned fish, all beef summer sausages, and a can of Cheese Whiz. Sounds terrible to me, but might just beat having to eat another unsavory MRE.

So, that’s about it, my baby has socks and man food coming his way. A few pictures of our house with the lights I put up, a note to say I love you, and a promise to celebrate whenever he gets home. Don’t worry sweetheart, Santa will find you, and we’ll make sure that this Christmas is as merry as it can be.

Salam. Peace.